Breastfeeding: A Grandmother's Heretical views
I began my career as a grandmother in last year knowing my role was to take care of my own children, to help them become mothers themselves. My views on breastfeeding have changed as a result. My three children, now in their 30s, were all breastfed for at least a year (and one for far too long). All thrived, but that was then and this is now. Two became first time mothers in 2023. My daugthers have struggled and been somewhat oppressed by the advice and treatment they have received about feeding my grand children.
In the designated "baby friendly" hospital where one daughter delivered, the nurses never took the child to the nursery except to weigh him, even during the night. They justified what seemed to me like neglect by the assumption that "bonding" with a baby means parents should be left alone. This approach lead to my grandson going home quite dehydrated and in need of special attention at the first week visit. The other daughter had a c section and then a very severe period of anxiety post partum, made much worse by trying to breastfeed exclusively and getting limited sleep for weeks.
Support following delivery is also crucial and often overlooked. The best support one daughter received was a "breastfeeding happy hour" where she could bring her baby every week to a free consultation with a lactation nurse. Over time she moved from being the biggest crier to helping the mothers with younger babies work out get the kinks in their feeding. The other daughter had to set up several consultations at a breast feeding boutique. These sessions did help, mainly by affirming her sense that her problems were real and not a sign of incompetence or neglect., The merchandise offered to correct the problems she was having did not make any real difference that I could see..
I understand that breastfeeding provides optimal nutrition and may delay the onset set of allergies (though there are now supplemental vitamins for babies and allergy protocols that were unknown in my day) . For women who lack the resources needed to safely use formula, breastfeeding is life saving. But it should not be commanded at the expense of the woman who provides it. Fears of "nipple confusion" or that the baby will automatically prefer a bottle, or that mothers will give up easily are not reasons to withhold supplementing with either pumped milk (very hard to do in the first weeks) or formula in order to help mothers get the sleep they need to regain their mental and physical health after delivery and to allow fathers or partners to participate fully in the baby's care. The perfectionism that underlies the notion of a fully breastfed baby is all too easy for new mothers to adopt, at the expense of enjoying time with their babies and involving other caring adults.
Both my daughters and their babies are thriving now, but the early difficulties they faced remain vivid in their minds and mine. I believe that everyone involved with new babies--parents, grandparents, doulas, nurses and physicians, needs to be flexible and to trust young mothers to make appropriate compromises when necessary.. Infant feeding is not a competition or a zero sum game for the parties involved. A healthy baby is a well fed baby, no exceptions.
By: Dr. Julia Frank, Communications Committee Memeber of The International Marcé Society